Everyone’s Got That Something

From a young age I never knew what my talent was and at nineteen years old, I still don’t. 

During primary school I deemed myself as a tomboy: I would play soccer with the boys, disputing every little thing and I would hang out with my older brother (18 months difference) in the paddock or playing with his hot wheels cars. While I played the usual girly Australian sport, netball, and had the normal feminine toys like Barbie dolls, I had no interest in pretty dresses, skirts or tops. I was simply happy in a tank, jeans and boots.

It wasn’t until secondary school that I wore my first dress in a good five years, a part from the odd occasion that occurred and required me to dress femininely. I began my first month of secondary schooling in with the ‘posh group’ of year seven before realising it wasn’t where I fitted best. I then hung out with a group of girls who were into sex, smokes and parties. I began choosing black champion track pants over dresses and wore high tops/skate shoes over little black ballet flats. This dress code continued until the beginning of year nine where I started to question myself about my presentation, wondering why it was and still is seen in society that females should wear pink and dresses and boys should wear blue and jeans or shorts. I also questioned the type of company I was keeping which was greatly influenced by the two most loving and caring people who brought me into this world. I weaned myself off the company I had been keeping since year seven and reconnected with the two of my primary school friends that had always dressed nicely and according to their gender.

In my final year of high school (year ten), just two days out from my sweet sixteenth, I lost my best friend, a family member and someone I wish could have seen me finish one chapter of my life ~ my grandfather. He passed away from lung cancer. While I am thankful he is longer suffering the pain and heart ache every part of me misses him beyond measures. After his passing, things didn’t go well for me. I began skipping classes I didn’t like just to go sit at the back of the school and basically breakdown into tears. Eventually the grade coordinator decided that I should perhaps see the school counsellor Ben. With his help, I was able to go through the stages of grief in a more healthier way than what I was doing. I still skipped some classes but eventually I returned to all of them with in a month. Ben would drive me to the cemetery every two weeks during our sessions to sit with my grandfather and grandmother (who has passed away in 2005). My mother didn’t know about this, or my skipping class. I never told her I visited every two weeks because I didn’t want to make her cry and I knew I would feel stupid for talking to a head stone in front of her. Plus I wouldn’t have been able to say or talk about things, when I was sitting with my grandparents despite the tears, it felt like it was our time.

I mentioned at the start that I never knew and still don’t know what my talent is. I believe everyone has a unique talent of their own; some have a sporting talent, others are musical or mathematical. I began playing netball at seven years of age, beginning in under twelves and finishing in division two, the second highest in my local association. In year nine (2009) I was playing up to five games a week. In this year I played in three grand finals but only winning one and it was the most memorable experience. I swapped clubs and associations in 2012 which brought a whole new meaning to working hard and fitness. I believe that this particular year my fitness was at its best despite being hampered with ankle injuries.  Little did I know that 2012 would be my final year of netball. My team had made it to the grand final and we were leading by five points until the unbelievable happened. I fell, twisting at the knee and completely snapping my anterior cruciate ligament in my left knee. I knew what would then follow… Reconstruction. My orthopaedic surgeon told me I can’t play again which probably tore me a part more than being told I needed surgery. It felt like I had lost the love of my life, the one thing that I had become truly passionate about in year eight. This injury lingered for two months from the time of the accident until the time of surgery. It impacted my final year twelve examinations and leavers celebrations following. 

In January, 2013 I received my university offer and despite originally planning to defer for a year I decided to take it. I packed up majority of my room at my parents to move states, leaving behind my boyfriend of six months ( we are still together almost a year later ). Moving off to university allowed me to further become my own independent person without living in the shadows of my parents. I was in control of my money and spendings, I chose what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I finished my first year with a second knee reconstruction, three passes, two credits and three distinctions, and also a loving supportive boyfriend to come home to and spend my holidays with. 

I don’t know what my talent is, perhaps is the ability to make people laugh or keep people strong or maybe I haven’t discovered it yet at all. Maybe I will find it tomorrow, a week, a month or year later. Don’t give up looking for your talent. If everyone is unique then everyone has the own unique talent, they each bring something new to the table.